PARK BO GUM

 Hello.

I've decided to be more active in recording my journal on this website. Gue pengen nulis diary tapi udah males nulisnya. Pengen curhat di twitter, males juga banyak temen gue yang bisa baca. Pengen curhat di akun fake, lebih males lagi karena gajelas identitasnya, gue jadi sering lupa fake account gue apa dan passnya apa. Jadi, yasudahlah disini aja. Identitas jelas, user idnya gue inget, dan ga ada penikmatnya, jadi gue bisa curhat dengan puas. Hahaha.

So, lately I have this kinda addiction to this guy named Park Bo Gum. I don't know. I never liked an actor as much as I like Park Bo Gum. I even dreamed about him. I mean I'm not that young girls who's fangirling over someone and living in lalala land full of dreams about him. I'm effing 28. Most of my friends are married. My life is rough and I cannot easily like people. But why.... why am I so attracted to him? Everytime I watch him, my heart flutters. Everytime he smiles with those wonderful teeth, I melt. Everytime I hear his voice, I go crazy. Maybe.. Maybe I am so depressed that I can go this far with this strong feeling over someone who is super faaaarrrrr awayyyyyyyy and maybe will never know my existence!

I never change my wallpaper with anybody's picture, but now it's a photo collage of Park Bo Gum's last kitchen project.

I never binge watching so many K-dramas in my life but now I spend hours just watching all of his projects.

I never feel sooo terrible because of missing someone, but now I miss him every single day and it affects my mood so much.

I've never felt this urge to meet someone I've never met, but now, everyday, I'm projecting a plan what if this covid ends and I could go to Seoul, what can I do to meet him. I swear before I die, I only want to see him directly with my own eyes. 

I guess I am crazy. God help me. God please help me.

I even think about learning Hangeul and Korean languages so that one day if God allow me to meet him, I can talk to him with his language.

Oh my God I'm so pathetic. I'm so pathetic. My head is full of him. I can't think clearly. Everytime I open my mouth to talk to somebody, I can only talk about him. God please, help me, I'm crazy.